We Met on Match.com

Morgan and I met on Match.com. With my hand broken, I wasn’t hanging out as much in person with friends, instead focusing some time on dating apps. Of course Match wasn’t the only one I used, you could have found me on Alt.com or AdultFriendFinder, etc…

Her profile was cute, she described herself as a music student and singer, and we had a lot in common on paper. David Bowie was listed as her favorite musician, and he was high on my list too. My opening message to her was something along the lines of I'm an alto, we could sing a duet together. I'd like to get to know you better. It was that simple, and it led us to having a conversation over AOL Instant Messenger.

She had just turned 18, I just turned 20. Our birthdays were just a few weeks apart, hers being in May and mine at the end of April. It was one of those weirdly common things we found between each other, as well as a mutual love for video games and wanting to change our hair color; She wanted to dye her hair blue, but her mother wouldn’t let her. I could so relate.

We planned to meet up one afternoon, I think it was a Sunday. I picked her up in front of her parents’ house. She hopped over the side of my convertible and into the passenger seat like she’d done it a hundred times.

We drove off and had a nice afternoon. We went and got sandwiches from one of my favorite spots, Dirty Nelly’s. I recall we both got the same order, a Reuben on rye. After sandwiches we went to hang out around the mall. Gamestop and Spencer’s were the usual haunts I liked to hit up, and apparently so did she. She had a friend who worked at the Suncoast Video, though he wasn’t working that day.

We pretty much became inseparable very quickly. In retrospect, I think the mutual dislike of our own parents catalyzed those early days of our relationship. She shared how she disliked her father, and how he made her life miserable when at home, and how her mother would drive people away. I shared many things about my own experience, not the worst parts though, I kept those for myself.

Eventually, I met her parents, and her youngest sibling Galen who was a toddler. She had both a younger and older sister. She was the second of four children, where I was the first of four. She was also closer in age to her siblings than I was to mine, with the exception of Galen.

Galen didn’t look anything like her dad. I brought it up once while we were hanging out in her bedroom. She told me her mom had affairs, and she suspected none of them were her dad’s. It was just very matter of fact, and she pointed it out further by comparing her and her sisters’ hair to their parents. Neither mom nor dad had blond hair, but here were four kids all with light golden hair. Either her dad didn’t know, or he didn’t care. I never really asked beyond that.

Her dad was weird though. He went by “Stampy” and smoked like a chimney. He was also a good head shorter than her mother. Morgan shared he rarely kept a stable job, was pretty much just “crazy”.

Papa Stampy was trying to open a hobby shop at this point. I remember him talking about it over the dinner I went to at their house. What an awkward dinner.

We had been dating for about three weeks when that dinner happened. We sat across from each other and she sat with her foot in my crotch while eating, using it to distract me every time her parents would ask me their questions. There were several times when I was just a little too flustered to answer. It was thrilling in a transgressive-under-the-nose way.

We started fooling around pretty quickly, like date two. She had shared that growing up, she had developed ovarian and uterine cysts, and that she couldn’t get pregnant. I said that was great, because I didn’t want kids. So pretty much as soon as we started being exclusively physically intimate, we stopped using condoms. I had mixed feelings about this, but she kept assuring me she couldn’t physically become pregnant, and she didn’t want kids either.

She used to call one of her friends, Josh, while we were having sex. She made him listen. She got off on that. It didn’t weird me out, but it wasn’t a turn on for me either. She told me that she and Josh used to have a thing together, and she liked to use that to tease him.

She introduced me to her whole circle of friends: Josh, David, and Andrew.

None of the friends group had girl or boyfriends. I found that a bit odd, but looking back on it Morgan was basically the “shared” girlfriend. I had an early suspicion that she was probably sleeping with them all occasionally, which left me with feelings of defensiveness, jealousy, and curiosity.

Each of the friends was nice enough. Josh was into computers as well, but not very adept at programming. He was also the friend who worked at the video store in the mall. Andrew was very much into cars, tabletop games, and video games. At the time I was very interested in cars and games, so when hanging out we had a lot to talk about. David though I didn’t care for. He smoked cloves and wasn’t very smart, so there was little to talk about and I didn’t want to be near him and his stench.

After meeting Josh, the phone calls made sense. Josh was a dead ringer for Drew Carey. Morgan described him as having a tiny dick, and said that’s why she wasn’t dating him anymore.

One thing I knew for sure though: I liked her.

A lot.

She was kinky.

Unapologetically so.